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Welcome To The Dark Side

Xen-Tan helps Victoria Allister banish her Casper the Friendly Ghost complex

Written by . Published on July 7th 2011.

Welcome To The Dark Side

FOR most of the British population, the thought of summer urges us to run to our wardrobes and grab out our shortest shorts and bare all, come rain or shine. However, for me, and all others that have been graced with skin as transparent as cling film, the thought fills me with dread as I stare at my dusty stockpile of self-tanners, tinted moisturizers and application mitts; products that promised me the world, but left me looking like I’d rolled around in horse manure all winter.

As a Liverpudlian, I fear blending in to that bright, orange background currently reigning our streets, sparked off by the WAG movement. Coleen Rooney, Abbey Crouch, Alex Curran – that means you.

Before throwing in the orange, stained towel and embracing the ‘pale and interesting’ title, I thought I’d give it one last round with Xen-Tan’s newest spray tan treatment at The Third Space spa.

The Third Space is located at the end of Marylebone Lane, leading straight off of Oxford Street – perfect for those like myself, who are done with the overwhelming experience of brushing shoulders with tanned goddesses, and would like to take a quick, 30-minute shopping break to even the playing field.

The initial displacement I felt as I sat in the waiting area, watching London’s elite pumping iron on their lunch breaks, was soon vanquished when I was escorted two floors below to a serene paradise of friendly staff and tranquil surroundings. However, it has to be said that no matter how peaceful and at ease the spa attempts to make you feel, nothing can reign in a nervous and awkward disposition quite like my own. The cracks in my confident persona started to show as awkwardly ticked ‘yes’ to cellulite box on the medical form, and I sheepishly opted for the paper bra (that seems to be nothing more than a semi-transparent face mask… you know the ones, like surgeons wear in the operating room, with the elastic that goes behind their ears?) So, I took one last look in the mirror, and kissed goodbye to my (moderately covered) Casper the ghost skin, and prepared to embrace my sultry, dark side.

The treatment lasted no more than twenty minutes, comprising of first base coating and an optional second coating, which I felt obliged to say yes to, to fully undergo the complete bronzed look and indulge my defeatist attitude.  It became clear that the surgeon’s mask/bra was perhaps a misguided choice, as it writhed around my chest of its own accord, like a pervy boss at a Christmas party.  This has since given a nice, white, patchy, crop-top look to my upper half, which I’m not so keen on, but I have to admit, the rest of the tan looks surprisingly natural. As a Liverpudlian, I fear blending in to that bright, orange background currently reigning our streets, sparked off by the WAG movement. Coleen Rooney, Abbey Crouch, Alex Curran – that means you.

However, a Xen-Tan makes you look like you’ve just stepped off the plane from a holiday in the South of France. There’s not even the slightest tinge of orange or the smallest, tell-tale streak. It’s even covered up my cellulite…

Xen-Tan is £30 for half body and £45 for full body.


The Third Space

Bullstrode Place


T:  0207 042 6444

*In London, Xen-Tan is available at The Third Space, check their website for other locations outside of London.

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