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Dear Boris

Spaniards have invaded Camden, and someone is not happy

Published on December 14th 2011.

Dear Boris

Dear Boris,

Why can’t the Spanish walk down the street properly? Can you have a word? Sort ‘em out?

At last count there were 87 nationalities living in Camden – 86 of them manage to walk down the street without annoying everyone else. What is up with these Spanish?

They stop. They start. They pack in like a Barcelona midfield. (No wonder we can’t beat them at football, they are used to living in each other’s trouser turn-ups.) They take pictures of themselves. They wander in a collective daze. They ask each other questions.

When they come up to buying a ticket on the tube it is like mastermind. The whole family of them have to stop and talk to the machine like they bumped into a dalek. They all open their purses at once and then they all tell each other it is ok they will pay, no he will pay… oh, oh he’s already got the tickets. Has he got the tickets? Hey, have you got a ticket? Then it is all what do I do with this ticket? Stick it here, stick it there, stick it where? Other way round?

When they get out of the tube at the other end it is like they think they are in the cinema – looking, standing still like there is a film showing, getting in the way.

Then they are at it again. They swap scarves. Hola? They point. They gossip. They wave. They rove around – never talk to you, of course.

I know they have had a few problems since they gave up the pesetas and all that Boris, but could you put in a word, please. It is driving us nuts down here.

The Last Cockney in Camden Town

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AnonymousDecember 14th 2011.

I thought this was an open letter to German tennis legend Boris Becker.

Imagine my disappointment.

AnonymousDecember 14th 2011.

Is this meant to be a joke?

AnonymousDecember 14th 2011.

No B***** joke mate, - llcc

AnonymousDecember 14th 2011.

Boris = Spassky, a bit dotty, Yeltsin, a bit drunk, Karloff, a bit scary, Becker, in a broom cupboard, Johnson, aka Alexander Boris de Pfeffel mayor of London

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