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Hello world, is anyone out there?

This is London calling...

Written by . Published on August 23rd 2012.


Hello world, is anyone out there?

If you were wondering why it is that the pages of the great LC have been so quiet of late, the answer is we have all gone. Left. The great metropolis is empty. Boris and Seb have moved us out.

You can have a table at the Ivy...just walk right in

The great evacuation has taken place. London is abandoned. It is not like 1939. No hankies waving at the train stations. No movement of children to the countryside. But mummy has been flown to Corfu or a Costa or somewhere. Who knows?

David Cameron must have asked his new friend M Hollande if France would mind taking eight million people for a few weeks? Just let  them sit on your beaches for a while old boy, please. Tu jeste ou quoi? Are they paying in euros?


Anyway we are not here. You can have a table at the Ivy. At the Ritz. Just walk right in. While you are watching the great games from your sofas, do not believe these are the London games. London has been taken over by all those people you really prayed would never be in charge.

State pravda bbc may eulogise about the games but they are nothing to do with, er, london. Have you ever been to Stratford? It is not London anyway. The last people to see east London were the Luftwaffe who bombed it to pieces and it has hardly been touched since.

It is an eery eeling in the centre, in the north, like, if you have ever been in an earthquake and you look around and try to re-adjust and make out what has happened. You are looking for other people to share it and there is no one there. And there are more tremors on the way with para-olympics. The supermen are coming. Help. Boris has put a little sign up on the Tube to warn you to watch out for the wheelchair marathon...

Empty1A caffe made for one? The Long White Cloud in Shoreditch is becalmed

I have rarely seen this city so deserted, except for Christmas day. Of course there is a trickle of out of towners, a few girls between festivals, French, Spanish, Italians, even Germans and Americans, most of whom seem to be working for NBC. The shops are open for the most part but manned by more euro girls. The actual DNA of the city has been scrubbed out. The people here are like zombies pointing at the sky, they might aswell be aliens...


Policemen are on the street – in pairs always like they need the company – something we do not usually see. The newspapers have been full of nothing but Olympic blah blah blah. There is no news. No one to report it. No one to make it. No one who reads English at least – the stacks of Metros are piled up waist high at the tube stations. It is free but they cannot give it away.

Financially this is what catastrophe looks like for many small businesses...a tsunami called the Olympics has washed their customers away.


McDonalds is half empty (sorry Seb, am I permitted to say that?). I can hardly bring myself to write a review without it feeling like it is the last restaurant review on the planet, and where do you choose for that?

Is anyone going to come back? It does not feel like it. And what happens after a hiatus like this of six or seven weeks. We are on bypass.
Hello Manchester, are you there? This is London calling...Hello, Syria, did you win any medals? Hello Mogadishu, how is your rifle training coming on? Are you going to Rio? Hello NBC, when can I have my flat back?

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AnonymousApril 11th 2013.

Am eeere

AnonymousApril 11th 2013.

crikey

ManchesterApril 11th 2013.

Hi!

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