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Regular Einstein Awards

The best of this week's absurd news and fatuous people

Written by . Published on November 11th 2011.


Regular Einstein Awards

WE scour the local media to bring you the best and worst our nation has to offer. Drum roll please...

Boris-Yawn The ‘You’ll Like It Because It’s Good For You’ award goes to…
Boris Johnson for his scheme to bring Latin to more schools. Not only will it finally give classics graduates the opportunity to actually use their degree but it could spawn a new generation of linguistic bores. Vescere bracis meis (Eat my shorts), sir!

 


Westminster Council City Hall The ‘Sorry I Have To Give You a Ticket As I Need a New Kettle From Argos’ award goes to…
Westminster Council for allowing parking contractor NSL to reward ‘good work and accuracy’ (jumping out of bushes as soon as you are out sight and rapidly sticking a ticket on your windscreen) with points on store cards such as Argos and Homebase.


Twarden ‘How To Win Friends and Influence People’ award goes to…
Westminster Council (again). Not content with efforts to make traffic wardens even keener to give you a ticket they are also planning to seriously penalise evening and weekend workers in the West End by introducing parking charges.

 


Johnnydepp The ‘You Can Dress Like You Like When You Are Cool and Famous’ award goes to…
Johnny Deep. Decca Aitkenhead described The Rum Diary actor’s look in her Guardian interview, “Depp looks like he should be in Bon Jovi or behind a stall selling Zippos in Camden market”.

 


Sydprior ‘I’ll Have One Of What He Is Having’ award goes to…
Syd Prior the 96-year-old worker at B&Q who finally decided to put his feet up. Prior, who spent 20 years at the New Malden branch and has been working since he was fifteen, was officially Britain’s oldest worker.

 


Murdoch The ‘Not Cracking Under Pressure’ award goes to…
James Murdock. Say what you like about the Dr. Evil empire but you have to hand it to Murdock Jr as he continues to be calmness personified under interrogation from circling MPs sensing blood. 

 

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